I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
