I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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