Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize