sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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