you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
