I just found puke in my bra..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
