Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
