she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
