i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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