Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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