We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
