the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
