I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
