On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
