my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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