i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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