i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
