I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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