i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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