i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
