called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
