The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
