i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
