It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
