allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
