Don't you send me to vm
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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