Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
