That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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