Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
