We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
