you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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