Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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