So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
