when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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