I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
