I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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