i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You took a bar mat shot.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
