i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
