I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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