I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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