She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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