My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All I want is dick and wine.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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