woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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