I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
