I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
