She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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