I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
