I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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