The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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