She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
