return my video game
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
