I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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