so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
