my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
only if we run a train.
done.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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