Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
