He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
