my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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