like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
