um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
