Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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