his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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