why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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