I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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