My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
North Korea, Best Korea!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
