wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
