Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
