Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
